OCD Treatment and the Quest to Find Yourself

Hi, my name is Josh. Today, I want to talk about what to do when it feels like you and OCD are so intertwined that there's no distinction, how OCD treatment can help you find yourself again, and why that's so important.

I've mentioned this before, but we know that OCD loves to overthink things and then push you to make decisions based on those obsessions. OCD loves to be in control, and every decision you make while OCD is in control is typically based on fear, disgust, or some form of distress rather than what you actually want.

When there's very little distinction between you and your OCD, and your OCD is calling the shots, you may feel as if those thoughts and actions are your own. You may feel that the things your fear is pushing you to do are actually in line with your values. That is why it is so important to establish a distinction between you and your OCD.

You are in there. I promise. That old sense of self—who you were before you started noticing OCD symptoms—is still present. If you were more confident, more open, or experiencing more freedom in your life, that’s you. This hellish world of obsession and compulsion is OCD. The more you remind yourself of that distinction, the more power you take from OCD and put into your own hands. Eventually, as you go through treatment, do your exposures, and face your fears rather than run away from them (which is what OCD wants), you start to realize that you're stronger than you thought you were. You begin to see that you can do more than your OCD led you to believe.

You also start to develop a knee-jerk response to triggers—leaning into the fear rather than running away from it. It’s some superhero-level stuff. I make it sound rosy, but it's not always easy. So, for those days when OCD is dominating your world, when it feels like all of the blame is on you, and you need a reminder that you are still in there despite OCD’s power-hungry grabs, fear tactics, whirling thoughts, and strong urges to neutralize—how can you reconnect with your sense of self in a way that reminds you that, underneath this disorder, you are there and that you have worth, meaning, and strength?

Here are a couple of activities that might be insightful and empowering when you're truly feeling tied to and indistinguishable from your OCD.

The first exercise I actually learned in one of my classes. It wasn’t something we did specifically for OCD, but I found it to be a beautiful experience. Our professor is from Hawaii and believes strongly in people's innate spirituality or strength. I have no idea what religion she adheres to, if any, but she believes in this sense of self—that we all have some special light or spirit within us.

To help us recognize that, she had each of us state, in front of the rest of the classroom, our full name, age, the full names of our parents and grandparents, and where our ancestors were from. It was a remarkable experience. I’m not a huge family history guy, and I don’t know that much about my ancestors. But we each had a few minutes to look up their full names and get a general feel for where our ancestors came from. Then we shared. We took turns going around the room, and unexpectedly, the feeling of strength and identity was so powerful. It didn’t matter where each of us came from—some from Mexico, some from Europe, others from Japan and other parts of Asia.

As each of us stated our own names in connection with our ancestors, we felt a sense of belonging and strength. My personal feelings of being lost, isolated, or controlled by my OCD were immediately diminished and replaced with a powerful sense of being known—of having a strong identity, of being somebody with a rich history.

Since you may not be in a group setting, unless you want to do this with family or friends, I invite you to stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eyes. When we spend a lot of time worrying or thinking in our heads, it’s easy to feel like OCD is in control and to lose that connection with ourselves. There is something powerful about standing in front of a mirror and observing yourself.

Try repeating what we did in class. For example:

I am Joshua Caleb Richardson. I have lived on this earth for 28 years. My parents are Claude Wade Richardson and Lorraine Elna Farr. My grandparents are Liddell Olaf Richardson, Betty Glenn Johnson, Clyde Rudolph Farr, and Wanda Lucille Fuller. My ancestors are from Sweden, England, Wales, Denmark, and France.

You’ll notice that OCD was not part of that statement at all. It’s just a fun exercise to get you out of your head, separate yourself from OCD, and remind yourself that you are here, you do have a place, and you are known and connected to others.

Another activity I recommend is writing a letter to your younger self and sharing whatever you want, or pretending to be your younger self writing a letter to your current self. Some people find it helpful to pull out a picture of themselves when they were younger and place it in front of them while writing these letters. The purpose of this exercise is to help you reconnect with yourself, acknowledge your feelings and desires, and separate yourself from OCD. It’s a powerful experience.

Another idea is to draw a picture of your OCD and place it on your bathroom mirror. This helps you visualize it as a separate entity from yourself. You can depict it however you want—a monster, a person, a shape, a color, anything that represents OCD to you. When you close your eyes and visualize OCD, what comes to mind? A movie character? A game character? A villain? Try drawing it and placing it somewhere you’ll see it often as a reminder that OCD is not you.

All of these exercises are meant to remind you that you are not your OCD. Although OCD tries very hard to make it seem as if you are one and the same, the more you recognize and separate yourself from it, the more control you regain. The more you practice this awareness, the more potential you have to act out of your own self-interest instead of fear.

Like everything with OCD, this takes practice. OCD will fight back. It might feel like doing these activities once or twice won’t make a lasting change. And while exposures are the most effective method of diminishing OCD's influence, building awareness of this distinction is also important. Over time, as you continue with exposures, this separation will become stronger, and you will develop more self-compassion and strength.

You are not your OCD. It does not define you. You have your own goals, values, strengths, and desires. You don’t have to go through life letting OCD define you.

I wanted to share this message today because it was something I needed to hear myself. I’m grateful to my professor for reminding me of this fact. In the Western world, we often get caught up in diagnoses and treatments, and it’s easy to let those things define us. But in other parts of the world, there’s often a more holistic view—yes, we can define a disorder and know there are effective treatments, but we can also find connections to self and ancestors to empower us in facing our fears.

A short but important message today. Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate the support from everyone taking the time to read this. I hope it benefits you personally or helps you support someone suffering from OCD. If nothing else, I hope it builds your awareness so you can be a better resource for those in need.

Have a great rest of your day. Bye.